Take the Bait

We’ve all read those elusive, open-ended Facebook posts.  “Unspoken prayer request,” “worst day ever,” “I JUST can’t anymore with this day,” or the mysterious check-in to the emergency room with no explanation.  Social media has opened the door for us to live vicariously through the lives of our friends as they are happening — or — at least how they’d have us believe they are happening.  Although it has been used as a platform for bullying and other negativity, I believe the majority of social media’s use has been for good.  I personally love reconnecting with a friend I haven’t seen in decades and figuring out exactly what they’ve been up to in a quick flip through their Facebook page.  One time I was at the Texas State Fair, which to those of you who don’t know, is a HUGE ordeal with hundreds of thousands of attendees.  I was walking down the crowded sidewalk and recognized a little boy among the masses who was the son of a girlfriend of mine I haven’t seen since middle school.  And yet I knew who he was because of Facebook and we were able to physically connect because of it!  It was incredible.

Now, I have to say I really hesitated to post this for a few reasons. First, I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, no matter what side of the social media post they found themselves. Doing that would be the exact opposite of the intent of my post. I hope to promote kindness and support and a little less selfishness by writing this, not an accusation. I also didn’t want anyone to misunderstand my words to think I’m insincere when I support them on social media. I say what I mean and mean what I say.  I love being able to experience the successes and joyful occasions of my friends.   Conversely I’m grateful that social media gives me an opportunity to give a word of encouragement to a friend in need whose need I wouldn’t have known of otherwise.  I suppose if you publish a blog post, you’re automatically subjecting yourself to potential misinterpretation.  But I feel compelled to share this in hopes it will help in some way, so…. here we go!

Not only is social media a means by which we can see a recap of someone’s latest adventures, but it’s also an avenue of insight into how they are feeling right now and what they are in need of.  That friend of yours who wrote the long description of how busy his day was and how much he accomplished?  Maybe he’s in need of reassurance that he’s doing enough.  Maybe he’s barely hanging on emotionally and needs a virtual “pat on the back” that he even made it through the day. Who really knows the stability of his current mental state?  That awkwardly sexy selfie your friend just posted?  The easy assumption is she is full of herself and needs no affirmation.  After all, why else would she put herself out there like that?   But maybe she’s actually more insecure than you think and relies on those affirmations.  Or maybe, yeah.  Maybe they really do think their stuff don’t stank.  I’ll tackle that issue in a bit…

I find it curious that someone will watch a forty second video of someone’s kid doing something cute but won’t take the one additional second to hit the “like” button.  Why is that?  I’ve heard the excuse that it’s because the poster “already has enough ‘likes’ on their post, so they don’t need mine.”  Why?  You don’t want them to feel TOO good about the post or too proud of their kid?  If it’s someone’s birthday do you not wish them a “happy birthday” just because someone else already said it?  Of course not. So why is this different?  Another excuse I’ve heard is that it’s because they don’t want to receive notifications on the post. That’s a legit concern, but there exists that handy dandy option to “turn off notifications for this post” for that exact reason!  I recently congratulated a friend on her engagement, and of course, I knew I wouldn’t be the last.  I took the additional two seconds to turn off the notifications for her post and went on with my day.

So maybe it’s important to be a bit introspective here.  What is the real reason behind why you didn’t reach out?  Those posts you read that are evasive but clearly written in hope you’ll reach out, why aren’t you reaching out?  Is it too much trouble for you? Those boastful or otherwise needy posts, what is the reason you ignore them?  If it’s envy, here’s a little nugget for you.  Take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack.  That’s human nature.  But. That friend of yours who announced their fifth “accidental” pregnancy while sleeping (“I just don’t know HOW it happened?!?!?!?”) when you’re struggling mercilessly with infertility? That friend who is on yet another fabulous vacation when you can’t remember the last time you escaped your cubicle? They don’t mean to hurt you. Not to sound cliche, but this is about them–not you!  But you might find yourself surprisingly peaceful when you say something nice to them. You might find some of that envy strangely melt away.  And you might find yourself celebrating with them with a lot less effort than you expected.

Why Not?

I guess my point is that when I see someone post something and I think something else might be behind it, why NOT take the bait?  Why NOT check in and ask them if they’re okay?  Why NOT give that person a little pat on the back?  They went to the trouble of posting their needy post, because they have a NEED.  And it’s really no skin off my back.  We all need a little pick-me-up sometimes, and why NOT use social media to promote reassurance for another person you know well enough to be connected through social media?   You might not be besties, but you’re a human being capable of affecting another person RIGHT NOW.  From how I see it, the worst case scenario is you inflate someone’s already big ego.  Is that really the end of the world?  Who knows what their tomorrow will bring, and I’d rather be a person who brought positivity into their day today.  So pat them on the back.  Even if they already like themselves, it’s okay to keep lifting up our brothers and sisters.  It’s not insincere. You care enough to want them to feel okay, better, or keep feeling that good. So why not let them know that? There is enough hatred and self doubt in the world.  Let’s promote the opposite.

xoxo

Elisha